The Minnesota Nice Guide to Saying "No" to Unnecessary Spending
For better or for worse, we’ve all likely heard of the nickname we Minnesotans have come to both love and hate: Minnesota Nice.
When a non-local asks what this means, do we say it’s passive-aggressive politeness, an aim to keep up a public appearance, or a genuine nod to the fact that we’re just nice folks in Minnesota?
I prefer to think of Minnesota Nice as a sensitivity to the feelings of others. Ultimately, we care about what others feel (and sure, somewhat about how they perceive us, too!)
When it comes to “Minnesota Nice,” forcing you to spend money that you’re not comfortable spending, however, that’s where I draw the line. Keeping up appearances shouldn’t push you into something you are not comfortable doing.
So, how do you balance your Minnesota Nice demeanor without breaking the bank? Let’s review a few options that allow you to stay nice without crossing the line into unnecessary spending!
Politely Decline Expensive Social Invitations
Sometimes our finances can quickly answer an RSVP for us. If money is tight or if you're focused on sticking to a monthly budget, unexpected and expensive social gatherings can very quickly break your bank. But how do you “get out of it” without offending or losing friends or your Minnesota Nice tiara?
Your response will depend on the invitation.
First, who is it coming from? Very close friends might know your financial situation and may understand if you can’t make it due to your budget. You can just be straightforward: “That restaurant isn’t in my budget this month, could we go to XYZ instead?”
But if they are a bit more distant and not the type of friends that you feel comfortable sharing your financial details with, it becomes a bit trickier.
Let’s say you’re in the Twin Cities for a work event and a group of friends asks you out to a swanky bar for drinks and appetizers. You can duck out with simple (and likely true) excuse, such as, “I’m sorry, I think I’m too tired to continue on, but have fun without me” or “I really want to get down my thoughts together about today’s meeting, but thank you for the offer.”
It is up to you to decide how much truth needs to factor into your Minnesota Nice efforts. If the crew persists, you can also say the full truth, like “I’m sorry it isn’t in my budget today, maybe next time!” It is your choice how much you share about your own personal finances.
Gracefully Opt Out of Group Gifts
We all know the usual office obligations. Your boss’s boss is having a baby, and you have to pitch in for a shower. It’s your cubicle mate’s birthday, so a card goes around seeking donations toward a gift card. One could easily go broke simply keeping up Minnesota Nice in the workplace!
If the frequency of these celebrations is a bit much for you, it is seriously OK to opt out. You can simply state the full truth with something like “I’m sorry, I don’t have any extra cash this week.” If you don’t want to bring finances into the conversation, consider asking co-workers or bosses if the general practice could be altered. Minnesota Niceties may make you feel like a Scrooge at first, but chances are, your fellow employees feel the same way.
You can maintain a more Minnesota Nice persona, perhaps, if you start with your own celebrations. If you are approaching a birthday or the holidays are looming, it can be a nice pivot to say, “Hey, I’d really prefer if we didn’t celebrate my big day. Would you guys mind opting out of any collections? I don’t want others to feel obligated. A nice greeting is just fine by me.”
Starting the new trend with your own celebration will show others it isn’t that you want to be the office cheapskate, but you’d simply prefer to tone the tradition down across the board. Fellow employees may see your decline of your own celebration as a good opening to do the same.
Say “No Thanks” to Splitting the Check
Another time that money seems to face off against Minnesota Nice is when that dreaded check comes to the table. You are with a group, and one bill is set down. Who’s going to handle it? Will there be awkward math and anxious silence, as everyone digs for the right change? What if you just ordered an entree and one drink, but others ordered a ton of food? Are you forced to split the bill evenly and overspend, even though you aren’t responsible for as much of the share?
The best way to curtail this uneasy feeling and potential overspend is to nip it in the bud from the start. Prior to ordering, ask your server if you could please split the checks, and clarify how that will work at your table. Simple!
Alternatively, if that cannot be done or your server says they can help at the end, politely excuse yourself to the restroom toward the meal’s end. Ask the server or bartender privately if you could pay your portion of the tab now, so as not to feel awkward when it comes to the table.
What Is Right for You?
It is important to be nice. It is lovely to think of others. But at the end of the day, you are the one who has to live with your budget. You shouldn’t have to feel guilty for sticking to your financial goals. If you really can’t work out such social situations with certain groups of friends, perhaps they are not very good friends.
Everyone wants to be nice, but sacrificing your own goals, finances, or comfort is not the best way to do so. Stand up for yourself, and don’t be afraid to speak your mind. Those that matter, don’t care, and those who care, don’t matter!